Children of broken dreams

Chapter 4. Damien the disheveled angel

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 23:33:27 GMT

I snuggled In to the warmth around me, pulling at the blanket entangling my legs. "Wait blanket , I thought I fell asleep outside cold wet and sobbing, and wasn't I hallucinating. Oh fuck what if the police had picked me up what if my friends did and they found out about my heroin addiction oh god fuck" My thoughts kept screaming through my head. I didn't want to open my eyes, to afraid of where I might be. I could feel a tear slowly escape running down my cheek and a warm hand gently brush it away. "maybe if I don't open my eye just yet they'll think I'm still sleeping" but that failed as I couldn't help the whimper that escaped my lips. " Shh its ok darling" a familiar deep voice whispered. I slowly opened my eyes. Meeting those blue eyes yet again .

He sat in a chair next to me tentatively watching me as if I was some dangerous creature that would pounce at any minute. His features seemed so soft his skin an even paler white against the room. His brown hair disheveled and his eyes seemed tired and weary. I could tell he hadn't slept much. He reminded me some what of a disheveled angel just as beautiful too.

" Where…where am I ?" I spoke softly to him. It just seemed like the thing to do. He seemed so peaceful. So fragile.

" Your in my home… well my bed to be exact" I couldn't help notice the smirk that appeared on his face though he tried to hide it.

"oh uhm I'm sorry to burden you I should get going thanks a lot" I become nervous from the unusual surroundings. Trying to get out of his bed I quickly placed my feet on the cold wood floor but screamed as a sudden sharp pain shot through my foot. I pulled my feet back up quickly. Glass and gravel stuck out from the bottom. I bit my lip to stop its quivering. I felt like such a child lately.

" Oh god Darling just stay put. You really shouldn't " Worry shown on his face as he rushed to my side looking at my damaged foot. "You really did a number on yourself" I blushed and hid my face behind my hair, trying to hide my shame. " Well we better get the glass out of your foot and wash these cuts…" he stopped, looking me up and down with this analyzing look on his face, only making feel more uncomfortable. " you know what… maybe a bath would be best, I don't mean to be rude darling but you are a tad dirty" he giggled. " No that's ok really" I scrambled over my words " I'll just pull out the glass and take a shower at home I'll be fine really". I pulled at one of the pieces of glass and cringed as the flesh tore and blood slid down my leg.

He stood there arms crossed watching me as though I was a fool, which wasn't far from the truth.

" really now" He smirked " Well first off …Darling" His voice had acquired a harsh tone and it actually scared me. " You don't even know where you are".

"I'll find my way home just like I did last time" I spat overly defensive.

He chuckled " Right, and how do plan on getting home?" he asked

"I'll walk just like before"

" oh I see well the only problem with that darling is that you have open wounds on your foot, and besides its raining you'll catch a death out there"

" I'll deal with the pain, and take care of myself when I get home" I yelled

" really just like you did earlier" he shot me a look as my mind drew a blank " you know darling drugs and alcohol don't fix every thing, they don't cure loneliness and they wont love you"

His remark had caught me completely off guard. Tears stung at my eyes and I tried to hold them in but couldn't " Fuck you" I yelled " I don't need love, and my drug fancies are none of your damn business" I was full on crying now. Warm tears staining my cheeks. I covered my head with my hands trying to hide my shameful tears. He hadn't even realized how badly his words hurt. "Fuck love, Fuck them, Fuck everything," I choked out.

I could feel his weight on the bed next to me. "Darling?" he whispered. I didn't reply. " darling I'm sorry I was out of line, please stop crying" He wrapped his arms around me. I sniffed and wiped new tears out of my eyes. " Why.. Why do you call me darling, you don't even know me"? I asked I hadn't really thought much about until that moment.

He sighed " well I suppose because its less threatening to some, gives them a comforting feeling, And you seem like one who needs so much comfort." It seemed like a reasonable answer. " So" he asked I looked up at him a tad confused " Are you going to take a bath and get cleaned up so I can get that glass out of your foot or are you going to walk home in the rain with open wounds" I had to admit his idea sounded much better. " I'll take a bath …please" I answered " good choice" he giggled " I'll go get the bath ready ok just stay put.

He got up shuffling the hair on the top of my head like I was some kid and walked in to the bathroom conveniently placed on the other side of the room. I couldn't help notice the grace he seemed to move with like a tiny dancer on stage. I could hear the water running and him humming something. I laughed and shook my head. This guy is really weird I thought to myself I hope he lets me leave after my bath I hate to be mean but I don't want to be close to this guy.

I sat there for a few minutes taking in the dark elegance of the room, lit by no more the a few candles its walls a dark crimson red. It surprised me at how full the room seemed with such little furniture actually in it. One bed with black covers " surprise surprise" I laughed. One night table and a dresser on the far wall. And the mans tiny wooden chair he sat in earlier. It wasn't very much at all.

Soon he emerged from the bathroom. Still humming as he walked over. " What are you humming "I asked

He looked at me confusion and surprise on his face. " hmm?" " oh it's a lullaby my mother use to sing to me I've long since forgotten the words but I still remember the melody" His eyes acquired a sadden look and he stared at the floor as if remembering something. I wondered what he was thinking about if maybe something had happened to his mother but before I could ask he started walking towards me " well how about that bath, I think I got the water right". "oh yeah right" I mumbled " uhm how am I going to get there I can't really walk with the glass in my foot?" " Oh yes hmmm that is quite the predicament " He placed his hand under his chin and appeared to be in deep thought. I assumed it was an act. " Oh I know" He said and before I could ask what his solution was he had scooped me up in his arms and was hauling me to the bathroom. I yelped at the surprise I think more because he was actually strong enough to carry me he was a lot stronger then he appeared. He giggled the whole way to the bathroom.

He walked over to the counter " I'll just set you here for right now..uh you have to let go of me darling" he laughed "oh sorry" I blushed a deep red I hadn't even realized how I was clinging to him. I felt like a complete fool. He just smiled at me and walked over to check the water talking over his shoulder " well you better get undressed if you need any help just ask ok?" wait what undressed but he's still here I can't undress in front of him. I started stuttering " oh uh I.. I.. Are you going to uhh"? He turned around looking at me quizzically " Oh" he said finally figuring out my discomfort " don't worry darling you can keep your boxers on. If you'd like" I sighed in relief at least he's cool about it. I slipped off my shirt and pants which was a lot harder then I thought at first considering a couldn't stand but I managed to get it.

He walked back over to me scooping me up in his arms once again and placing me in the bath my feet hanging out over the edge. The warm water felt like heaven as I sighed and relaxed in. " Is it ok" He asked.

"Perfect" I replied his face lit up as he smiled and I couldn't help smiling in return. He went and grabbed the wooden chair in the other room and sat beside the bath pulling my feet in to his lap, he examined my foot. " well I can get the glass and gravel out and put some anti bacterial spray on it and wrap it you should be ok… uh" he looked down at me " what did you say your names was?"

"oh yeah I haven't told you have I . My names Lucife" I said. "Oh that's a lovely name" he replied " mines Damien. Sorry I never properly introduce myself I guess I just didn't think to" He shrugged " oh its ok, sorry I'm burdening you like this.. It's just I. " no don't apologize" he interrupted" its fine your not a burden honest" He smiled at me a ting of sadness or pity on his face. " well I better get the glass out it'll be painful ok just bare with me Lucife".

I gritted my teeth getting ready for the pain. He slowly grabbed a huge shard of glass and pulled it out I yelped as the flesh tore open even more and blood oozed out. He looked up at me worried. "it's fine" I said " just do it quickly please" He nodded and preceded to pull out the shards of glass from my foot, my teeth ground together and my hands clenched in to fists. The more he pulled the more flesh tore the more blood spilled and the more painful it became. He occasionally looked up at me worried and I just nodded at him and he continued. By the time he was finished I was breathing heavily and wishing for alcohol to numb me.

"that's all the glass darling " he said " now dip your feet in the water and wash out the dirt". I turned and placed my feet in the bath the water turning a red color around me. He walked over to cabinet and pulled out a bottle of anti bacterial spray and some bandages and sat back on the chair. " Feet please " he half smiled. I placed my feet back on his lap, He sprayed them with the anti bacterial and I couldn't help hiss at the sting. He giggled "what's so funny" I asked. "you" he laughed " what about me" I spat getting defensive again. " Don't get so defensive darling, Its just that you seem very uhh. What's the word ..sensitive is all.." "I'm not that sensitive" I crossed my arms over my chest looking at him trying to seem some what manly. He just laughed some more "darling I've known about your existence for about a day in a half and already I've seen you cry a few times, get overly defensive and fuss the whole time I was taking care of your feet, that makes you a tad sensitive."

" Well.. well. You try getting lost stepping on glass and gravel and getting stuck in the rain cold and wet, and getting picked up by some guy you don't even know and being scared shitless and not being a tad sensitive, you probably would have cried to" I said. He just nodded with a smile and continued bandaging my foot. When my feet were finally bandaged he paused and looked down at me curiosity and worry plastered on his face. " darling, why were you lost out in the rain, drunk and incoherent, what happened?" he asked softly. I couldn't help feel a sting of guilt for my actions there really was no excuse, only the fact that I was to weak to deal with life. "it's not important right now, it doesn't matter", obviously not wanting to press the issue he just looked down and said ok. The question still lingering in his brain.

Chapter3. like my grave

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 23:29:19 GMT

" Lucife! Lucife answer your god damn phone come on man where the fuck are you"? I awoke to the pleas of my friend, Christian desperately trying to get my attention. My head still dizzy for the poison and alcohol still consuming my brain. Rationality depleting by every passing moment, and my respect for human life going with it. If it wasn't for that I might have actually answered him I might have called him, apologized for my neglect told him how much he meant to me, I might have. Instead I stumbled to my feet shaking and cold. I hazily walked for the door.

Trying to turn on the light I managed to knock every knick knack in my way on to the floor glass lay around me like threatening stares. Every piece jabbing in to my flesh like tiny needles piercing my skin. But in the state I was in I could have cared less, I continued walking through it as my blood melted on to the floor with every step. Finally reaching the door I couldn't help but curse the domain I had created the one I was currently trying to leave. Having no clue where I was suppose to go or how to get there I stumbled out in to the cold hallway not giving it a second thought. Stumbling down the hall that seemed to go on for eternity I fell to my knees only once but soon found the elevator. "Ding! First floor" the sound of the doors causing my head to throb " shut up" I yelled like the doors would hear me and actually respond.

I walked out in to the night the cold air hitting me and tightening my lungs with the shock, I laughed at the pleasure of seeing my breath in the air such simple pleasure. I stood there for no more then a minute when I felt the cold sensation of rain upon my face as I looked up in to the heavens I smiled at the feeling of contentment. The heavens cry like they can tell what my soul is feeling like some how I'm connected to it.

I stumbled in to the night not paying attention to where I was going I didn't really care. That is until my lungs started aching from the cold and my body started shivering. The contentment had faded and now I just wanted to be at home any home as long as I was warm. I wished for someone to hold, to keep me warm. The drugs had started wearing off and now I was left in the miserable state I stumbled in to. I had no idea where I was but my feet stung from the cuts now covered in dirt and gravel leaving trails of blood behind me. And my body ached from shivering. I didn't recognize any thing I was by, There were no street lights no signs it seemed like an abandoned street and felt like my grave. Cold and lonely. My head throbbed with stress and alcohol.

I whimpered to myself, feeling like a child again scared, confused and helpless. I crumbled in to myself holding my knees to my chest for comfort. Rocking myself as I cried, It was the only thing I could think of doing at the time. " I deserve this, I deserve to die alone scared and afraid" I sobbed. " fuck life there's no point, its to late for me to apologize I'm just going to sit here and cry myself to death" Sobs racked through my chest uncontrollably, Tears mixing in with the rain.

I didn't hear any foot steps I didn't even hear them kneel beside me but I soon felt the unfamiliar sensation of warm arms wrap around me and the warmth of their body next to mine. At my current state I figured it was just a hallucination from the drugs and alcohol causing me to cry even harder " why taunt me god why give such false hope"? I cried.

"hush darling, Its going to be fine just hush now." that voice so familiar yet strange I knew that voice the low haunting sound of it where did I know it from. Eyes swimming with tears I looked up meeting piercing blue eyes, They seemed so much friendlier then before I felt as though I was being consumed with in his stare. I recognized those eyes off the bat and his dark attire, not knowing who he was but relieved to see him. I snuggled in to his embrace not quite sure what to say. Not wanting to speak and ruin the comfort in case it was a hallucination. I silently cried in to him as he stroked my hair hushing and rocking me like the small child I felt.

Soon my exhaustion caught up with me as I cried in to this stranger. I found myself slipping in to sleep. I tried to fight it but it was no use I looked up in to those blue eyes fear flashing through my own. he must have seen it for I saw the reassurance and comfort in his. "it's ok sweet dreams darling" the last words I heard before giving in to my bodies desire watching piercing blue eyes before I allowed sleep.

Chapter 2. poison my comfort

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 23:28:32 GMT

2:00am Arriving home late I lay on my bed , yet another restless night though I'm completely exhausted and my bodies shaking from sleep deprivation and the withdrawal of the pain killers I ran out of earlier this morning. Contemplating on whether I should just keep trying to drift in to sleep or find an alternative "hmmm…lay here until sleep knocks me out which will be four am at the least or .. Booze, " hard choice I laughed to myself.

Shuffling through the dark in my search for the light switch, I'm reminded of how alone I really am, I'm the only thing corrupting the stillness here. The thought making my chest heave and tears sting my eyes. I blink hard trying to suppress the thoughts and just focus on finding the booze . The comfort I've become accustom to for so long now.

"hmmm.. Week old beer already opened, one bottle of jack Daniels and a half empty bottle of Smirnoff" the confides of my ice crypt quite pathetic "fuck this isn't going to do it" I grab the bottles and walk back to my dark bedroom. Throwing the bottles on the bed I make my way to the bathroom. There my salvation lies in a tiny syringe a habit I'm not quite proud of but can't seem to break. I find the tiny box I keep my tools in in the drawer and head back to the bedroom. Opening the jack Daniels as I sit on the bed almost downing the whole thing in one go. "damn it, I'm going to kill myself one of these days. But really now is there a reason for me not to."? Pulling up my shirt sleeve I look for a clear spot amongst the many tiny red needle holes covering the surface of my arm. Remembering exactly why I had done each " one for a broken heart", I mumbled " one to ease the pain, one to break my thoughts apart, and one I've yet to gain". I laughed remembering everything. Not quite sure why I'm laughing at the pain but I know that this syringe I'm holding will take it away, if only for a moment.

I gasp as the needle pierces my skin, penetrating deep in to my veins. Tears flow down my cheeks as the burn of the poison seeps in to my arm. "Oh god" I whimper as I pull the needle out allowing a red line of blood to drip down my arm. Head spinning I reach for the Smirnoff gulping down the whole bottle, soon fumbling for the rest of the jack Daniels but failing miserably. My eye lids start feeling heavy and my vision blurs. I can feel the poison taking effect. As I try moving around the room starts spinning and I find myself fumbling on to the floor. I laugh and allow the poison and alcohol to take me away. " If only for a moment" I mumble before my world goes black.

Chapter 1. where the fuck am i

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 23:20:17 GMT

Warning: if your not open minded dont bother. this is the first chapter so its mild. there will be angst, violence, drug and alcohol abuse and more then likely death/suicide in the next chapters though so dont bitch about it. i warned you. critisism is welcomed but dont be like omg drugs are bad. because thats kind of the point i get it.

Walking to no where seemed like the most appropriate act to perform at the time. Losing myself in my thoughts as I aimlessly wondered down the gloomy sidewalk. Not bothering to look up or even attempt to find out where I was it didn't matter all I knew was that I didn't want to be in my drab little apartment. Where I could spend the evening alone only to sulk and ponder then sleep having the same reoccurring nightmare that keeps tormenting my thoughts to wake up sweaty and panicked alone in a cold bed. I would rather be anywhere than there alone. I had been alone all week no phone calls no visits no nothing. I was beginning to wonder if the world was forgetting about me not that it had a reason not to, but it was kind of a disturbing thought. Maybe I had this coming I laughed to myself. I was so caught up in my thoughts I didn't realize the chip in the sidewalk. I tripped over it falling forward, my knee scrapping over the cement tearing my jeans and skin, my palms red and raw from the tiny stones as I tried to keep from hitting my head. I sat there for a second still in shock . I could feel the warmth of the blood running down my leg and the sting in my hands." Just great", I mumbled. I shakily stood up brushing the dirt of my hands. That's when I noticed there was a feeling not quite right making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I looked around hoping to see something familiar. It was dark no sign of life around me the only noise was the wind rustling through the trees. Probably the only time in my life I actually wished I was at my apartment . I took a few more steps down the sidewalk screaming when I saw a shadow scurry from the light. Its all in my head I whispered no ones here nothings going to happen. I continued walking spotting a tree a few yards ahead. There appeared to be something on the side something a couldn't quite make out. I walked closer thinking the tree was just oddly shaped . I soon found I was mistaken as the dark figure moved behind the tree. I froze contemplating on weither I should see what it was or not. I stood there frozen not daring to move or make a sound. I continued watching the tree but nothing happened no one walked around nothing. Im going nuts I thought Ill prove to myself that there's no one there I gained my courage slowly walking over to the tree only to meet a pair of piercing blue eyes staring back at me I screamed and fell backward sputtering any word I could." Stay back get the fuck away from me. I swear to god touch me and die". To my surprise they stopped a few feet away from me, fear and curiosity flashing through their eyes. Or so I assumed it could be the lust for blood. I wasn't quite sure considering the way he looked. He was quite the peculiar looking fellow from what I could make out. Long black hair cascading to his shoulder. Tall scraggly man who looked like a child of the night skin practically glowing from the light of the moon. Dressed all in black from head to toe. From the black scarf around his neck to his black shoes and what appeared to be fingerless black gloves. I must have looked quite stupid for I think I sat there taking his image in for practically a minute or two. From the way he looked I wasn't quite sure which of us was more frightened.

"are…are you… uhm..ok?" I could hardly hear him as he whispered his question. But the low haunting sound of his voice sent shivers down my spine I certainly wasn't expecting a voice like that from someone who seemed so fragile. It caught me completely off guard and my mind went blank as I searched for an answer. He shifted uncomfortably under my stare hanging his head and staring blankly at the ground.

" I . uhm .. .yeah . I'm fine" God I sounded so stupid. I stood up quickly brushing the dirt from my hands. And stumbling over my sentences. " you just shocked me.. I mean why were you hiding in the first place, Do you make it habit to scare people do you get your kicks from it?" I winced at the harshness of my voice I hadn't meant it but there was something about him that made my stomach flutter and my mind race through every thought. A feeling I wasn't use to nor did I like. I stared at him waiting for a reply but he said nothing. Just stared at the ground not meeting my gaze for a second. " the ground must be pretty interesting" I said a smirk on my face hoping to lighten the mood. But he didn't laugh didn't move he just stood there frozen. " What the hells wrong with him " I thought " im the one who fell on my ass because he likes hiding by trees so much, I should just go I don't even know who he is"

" well. I'm going home. I suggest you do the same its late and you've already scared your person for the night. " I wasn't quite sure what to say to him so I turned and headed down the sidewalk. Hoping to find my way back home. I could have sworn I heard him whisper "I'm sorry" as I was leaving but when I turned around he seemed to have vanished. "little punk" I mumbled " now where the fuck am I?"